Nirvana
by IronicSarcastic
Summary: "...This will be yours, Draco...this is your freedom." Once more, tears found their way down Draco's cheeks. But now, it was not from painful memories of the past but beautiful promises of the future. He launched himself to Harry who gladly received him. "No, Harry," Draco whispered, closing his eyes, never letting go of his lover. "You are my freedom."


Pairing: Harry/Draco

Rating: NC-17

Warning/s: Mpreg, Explicit m/m sexual situations

Contains: War!fic, Magic drainage, Becoming a squib, Major Death!fic

Genre: Angst, Romance

Summary: _"...This will be yours Draco...this is your freedom." Once more, tears found their way down Draco's cheeks. But now, it was not from painful memories of the past but beautiful promises of the future. He launched himself to Harry who gladly received him._

__"No, Harry," Draco whispered, closing his eyes, never letting go of his lover. "You are my freedom."__

**NIRVANA**

CHAPTER I

_When the stars are too cold_

_Frozen over their glow_

_On the edge of the night_

_We can be their light_

~0~

Dear Bushy-hair,

I have great news: we've found a way to trap Voldemort and the Death Eaters. According to the Half-blood Prince, snake-face devised a strategy that he dubbed as his 'ultimate victory' in order to lure us out of our hiding. They are going to attack the muggle area in the whole of North America to finish off their American invasion, after he'd successfully hostage the Order headquarters in South. I have news about the Argentinian leader of the Order; I'm happy to say that he's still alive but the rest of his team was badly hurt.

Half-blood Prince specifically told us he'd attack Canada first before the USA, although some of his cronies are going to start their conquering of the United States while he's busy shooting AK to us behind our backs. Earlier, Shacklebolt reported to having seen the Dark Mark in New York City. He is going to attack us blindly. We've formed an emergency committee just an hour ago to discuss our plan of action. We've agreed to humor the Dark Lord and send half of us to USA (mostly the members of the Order of the Phoenix America) to fight off the Death Eaters he will send there. On the other hand, I and the old members of the Order (Moody, Lupin, Shacklebolt, etc.) are going to stay and prepare for the ambush in our main headquarters.

I'm sorry Hermione that it took me 3 months to write to you again. You know it's hard to send transcontinental messages in our situation. We have to keep you safe now that flat-nose has conquered Europe. How are you there, by the way? Is Molly sleeping enough? Are _you _sleeping enough? Ron says 'I Love You'. Has Ginny stopped crying? Please tell her that Dean's fine. Tell all of them who're left there that we're sorry we couldn't send you enough messages to tell you we're fine. But we will come back home soon. We'll come back to you the same way we left you, alive and well.

By the way, Hermione, how is he? Is he still mad at me? Tell him I'll be fine and that we'll see each other soon. Tell him I love him. Always him. I'm fighting this war to keep him safe…to keep all of us safe.

I'll write again soon when I can.

Love,

Scarhead

P.S. The owl that sent you this is what they call the floo-owl. There's very little in the whole Wizarding world and they can only send a message and a reply before they combust and die. They are somewhat the sacrificial owls in emergency situations. Feed him all that he can eat before you send me a reply, whenever that is. At least he was fed well for his heroic deed.

~0~

"_When the war's over, because it _will _be over, we'll find a house and make it our home." Harry smiled down at his lover whose head was laid on his lap. He brushed the golden blond hair off his forehead and bent to kiss the exposed skin lovingly._

_His lover, Draco, beamed up at him, his molten grey eyes dancing in the fire light reflected so beautifully in it. They enjoyed moments like this. They rarely find time to lounge near the fireplace and just bask in the heat from the crackling logs and their warm touches._

_The war was full-blown. The Dark Lord had conquered several countries like the Wizarding Spain, Italy, France, Germany and Switzerland. He had gathered forces from werewolves and vampires and giants lurking in those places. He was becoming stronger and if they didn't kill him soon, he'd be successful in his European invasion and conquer United Kingdom completely. Wales was showing off signs of surrender, and Scotland, without Hogwarts, was wavering too. They knew it wouldn't be long till England was tried and attacked._

_A hand playing at the back of his neck snapped Harry out of his sudden stupor. He looked down at Draco again, watching his lovers face. "We have to have kids,"_

"_Huh?" he asked, confused. Draco's long fingers were tickling his nape, he couldn't concentrate._

_Draco rolled his silver eyes and let out a pretend put-upon sigh. "You said when the war's over, we'll move into a house and make it a home. We have to have kids, then."_

"_Oh,"_

"_Oh," Draco mimicked, smirking fondly up at Harry. He was brushing off the wayward bangs on Harry's forehead and tracing off the lightning bolt scar with his aristocratic thumb._

_Harry held the smaller hand with his. He brought it in his lips and kissed the fragrant palm of Draco's delicate hand, never taking his eyes off the man who was the top reason he was fighting this war. He inhaled deeply and the sweet cinnamon scent of Draco invaded his nostrils and made his heart flutter with pure love on this one man he never thought he could feel these deep feelings with._

_He could remember that night…the night he knew that he would do anything to save Draco Malfoy. That night in the Astronomy tower where he had cried his sorrow in front of Dumbledore because if he didn't kill him, Voldemort was going to kill his mother…but he lowered his wand because he couldn't do it. He couldn't murder the only man who believed he was good and he braver than he thought. The only man who offered him and his mother the help he had sought. Harry felt an intense clench in his chest at the sight of woeful tears cascading down his angelic face marred with despair. Only then had Harry seen how truly human he was. And he swore…he swore Draco Malfoy would never be left in faces of danger again. If he had to shelter him and take all the bullets…Harry would. Nobody as beautiful as Draco deserved to be hidden in the darkness with nothing but loneliness._

"_You finished the potion, then?"_

_Draco's only reply was a blinding smile and Harry couldn't help but smile as well. Harry understood the implication of the completion of the potion Draco had struggled to brew. It took him almost a year and a half to finish the easier first part. It wasn't a stroll in the park for Draco, no matter how good he was at potions. He had been frustrated for a whole month when his first brew ended up a fail. But encouragement from Harry and, surprisingly, Hermione, Ron and the rest of the Weasleys who weren't happy with their relationship at first, had motivated the blonde to go on trying. That potion was from an ancient tome Draco had sneaked from the vast libraries of the Manor. It was a conception potion that would allow even the male gender to procreate naturally. He had planned to make the potion and find a willing partner so he could have the heir he wanted even if he was gay. But he didn't have to look so hard, he had Harry. All of his hard work would pay off in the end when they have their little bundle of joy in their arms._

_Harry bent over to smother Draco's face with kisses. Draco giggled and laughed, "Tickles Harry," he squirmed half-heartedly._

"_Tickles?" Harry playfully nipped at Draco's neck at the exact spot where Harry knew Draco was most sensitive with. The laugh his lover was emitting was addictive; he wanted to hear more of it._

"_Harry…" Harry crushed his feeble attempt at pushing him away by kissing him full in the mouth. Draco moaned and what a lovely sound was that. Harry maneuvered himself on the couch until he was lying horizontally on top of his lover._

_They'd kissed passionately until Draco felt Harry nudging his thighs apart. "Harry, we shouldn't do this here. Someone might walk in on us," Draco protested in a whisper, but he opened his legs, nonetheless._

_Harry licked his neck with great enthusiasm, "They knew we were here. If they had any brains, they wouldn't be visiting the fireplace until tomorrow." He replied huskily, his fingers working Draco's fly._

_Draco stopped his fights and gave in to the inevitable. He started working on the buttons of Harry's shirt while he kissed and bit Harry's neck, leaving marks the size of the Caribbean seas. Once he finished with the infernal buttons, he pushed the shirt off of Harry and started running his hands in the expanse of his lover's broad and muscular back, all the while moaning as finally Harry had opened his own trousers and their arousals had brushed against each other._

_They rutted slowly on the couch in front of the fire for what seemed like hours after they'd finally come and laid in a spooning position beside each other. Harry brushed his lips against Draco's sweaty shoulder up to his ear and whispered, "I can't wait to see that potion of yours put to use."_

_Draco laid their clasped hands against his naked and flat stomach, "Soon, Harry."_

"_Soon," Harry agreed before sleep overcame his senses._

_~0~_

Dear Scarhead,

That _is_ great news, Harry. But always be careful, you hear me. Even the best planned attacks fail sometimes. I hope we could do something, _anything _at all, to help you. We're fine here. Mr. Weasley keeps us safe. Molly is still weeping at night. I can't blame her, nobody can. Her sons are in the other side of the globe, risking their safety to help bring peace back in the Wizarding world. If Charlie, Percy and Ginny were there with you, she'd have gone crazy sooner. At least she has sons and a daughter to console her here.

I passed to Ginny about Dean's safety and you can't imagine how relieved she was. She says to pass a kiss from her to him. I can't imagine how you would pass such a request but she trusts you to do it, anyway. Just like we trust you to do what you promised and come back safe and sound to us. Oh, and please tell Ron I love him, too. And that I would kill him if he gets himself even an inch of a scratch.

Death Eater's haven't discovered Grimmauld place, thanks to the Half-blood Prince. You were right in trusting him to be our secret keeper. I know and I trust he wouldn't divulge a dust of information to them if it cost him his own life. He brings us food and other supplies regularly. He assures us that we would be safe as long as we are under the roofs of the headquarters.

And about him…Well, Harry he isn't mad at you. He's safe and alive and waiting for you to come back. Don't let him wait too long. He misses you so much and I know you miss him just as much, if not more.

There's one more thing, though, and I know he's going to strangle me if he knew I told you anything. Harry, you have to come back soon. Draco wants you to meet someone he's been dying to introduce to you in the last 2 years. I know you're confused, but trust me; you HAVE to finish this war as soon as possible.

Always, always be careful.

Love,

Bushy-hair

P.S. I did what you instructed me and fed the floo-owl as much food as it can take. I purposely didn't reply sooner so he could enjoy a little more of his life before he dies delivering this message. I salute owls like them. I'll make sure when this is over, they will be given acknowledgment in their heroism and involvement in the war.

P.P.S. I'll most likely be killed but Draco named him James.

P.P.P.S. He loves you, too.

"_Harry, _where_ are you taking me?"_

"_Somewhere really nice,"_

"_Uhhuh. I doubt there's a nice place left in England after the attack those vicious killers did last week,"_

_Harry stopped walking and faced his lover. He searched his eyes and caressed his cheeks with his hands, "Do you trust me?"_

_Draco looked at Harry as if he was daft to even _ask_ that, "Of course, you idiot." He snapped. Draco considered hitting him in the head for even considering he didn't._

"_Well then, come with me." Harry opened his hand in invitation for Draco to take it. Draco stared at Harry's determined and hopeful eyes and he was even dafter if he thought he wouldn't take that hand even if Harry was asking him to come with him to hell._

_He grasped Harry's tanned and calloused hand with his and couldn't help but notice the contrast between them. He smiled to himself as he watched their intertwined fingers. Their hands looked perfect together…_they_ looked perfect together._

_He frowned when Harry pinched a considerate amount of floo powder in his free hand. "We're leaving using the floo? Exactly, where are we going?"_

_Harry led him to the fireplace. The dark haired man smiled to him and said, "To our home," before green flames swallowed them._

_The next thing Draco saw when he opened his eyes again was a wide room with huge space. Harry tugged him out, putting a protective hand over his head to avoid hurting it in case it bumped against the bricks. Draco was astonished, to say the least. He examined the room; from the cream walls, to the ceiling, to the curtained windows, to the floorboard, to the few furniture scattered here and there and then to his lover. He opened his mouth, trying to say something because he had so many things he wanted to say but the only thing that came out was, "Wow,"_

_Harry grinned proudly, "I know," he gestured at the space. "I planned to buy things for the house but I figured I'd leave that to you. You have much impeccable taste than me, anyway."_

_Draco stared at Harry for a good few seconds, and then he whispered seriously: "You have zero taste, I would agree." He nodded for good measures._

_Harry laughed, not the least bit offended. It was true, anyway, "Prat," He placed a hand gently in the small of Draco's back and guided him to sit in the couch. Draco marveled at the extraordinary nice feels of the couch he was currently sat on. His elegant fingers ran through the heavenly cushions and stopped dead when he noticed something embroidered at the backrest of the couch he suspected was an heirloom of some sort. It just couldn't be a simple couch Harry got from Diagon Alley. He knew ancient when he saw one. This particular couch was passed on to generations of an old family._

"_Harry," he whispered, astounded. "There's a Black insignia embellished in this sofa." He looked up, his eyes full of unspoken emotion. He somehow knew where the settee and the house came from but he needed Harry to tell him._

_Harry, on the other hand, did not look surprised. He nodded, "This couch came along with this house,"_

"_And where did you get this house?" he asked softly._

"_I inherited this from my godfather…Sirius Black."_

_Draco gasped as what he already suspected was confirmed and tears immediately welled up his eyes. Harry mistook the tears as something that hurt Draco and quickly sat closer to his lover and embraced him with his protective arms. "What is it, Draco? Does something hurt?" he panicked, worried for his man._

_Draco shook his head. "I know this place, Harry. I've been here before, when I was just a boy. That's why I feel so connected the very moment I opened my eyes."_

_Harry was a bit surprised but considering Draco _was _a Black, he knew it was possible. "Really?"_

_Draco nodded, wiping his tears, looking around again. "This place was the only place I was allowed to be happy," Harry felt a surge of pity for his lover. He knew Draco had had a hard boyhood, what with being raised in a house full of Voldermort's top supporters. "If Father and Mother had a particularly serious quarrel and they wanted me out of the vicinity of the Manor, they ask two or three of our house elves to bring me here for a couple of hours until the dilemma at home was resolved. Mother said it was her aunt Walburga's vacation house and nobody lived there because she had given the right to the house to his son who was in Azkaban at the time of my childhood."_

"_Sirius," it wasn't even a question._

_Draco nodded, "So, this served to be my playhouse. Our house elves played with me. I chased them around, they chased me back, I hid in corners, and I even went out to the beach not far from here. I splashed water like mad and built sandcastles that spells from Dimpy kept it upright. It was bad of me to wish my parents fought more so I could be away from them for even a few hours and just be a kid for a while, but… I needed to be a child, Harry. Not just a son to them who had to be perfect, who had to know the spell for this, who had to know the answer for that."_

_Harry wiped the remaining tears from his lover's eyes and kissed his forehead lovingly. He brushed some blond hair behind his ears and cupped his face so Draco would look at him in the eyes, "And now, what used to be your escape when you were younger, will be your home when this war's over. This will be yours, Draco. You won't have to have fun here only to go back to a place so gloomy. This safe haven you found in your childhood is where our family will be built. You will decorate the walls, decide the furniture, design the bedrooms as you desire. Fulfill your heart's content. This is your freedom."_

_Once more, tears found their way down Draco's cheeks. But now, it was not from painful memories of the past but beautiful promises of the future. He launched himself to Harry who gladly received him. _

"_No, Harry," Draco whispered, closing his eyes, never letting go of his lover. "You are my freedom."_

_Draco held on to Harry's neck as if it was his only lifeline. Harry, however, embraced him tightly by the waist because for him, Draco _was_ his lifeline._

_~0~  
_

"Harry,"

Harry jumped at the sudden sound. He turned his head around from the letter he just received from Hermione to his best friend who was standing in the doorway to the personal quarters they shared.

"Ron,"

The redhead noticed the parchment in Harry's hand and his eyes lightened up hopefully, "Is that from 'Mione?"

Harry was hurt to see Ron's expression. He knew how much his best friend missed Hermione. He nodded, "A reply from the letter I sent her 3 days ago."

He eyed the piece of parchment desperately, like a traveler who saw a bottle of water after walking down the desert for days with no water. Harry offered the paper, "You wanna read?"

Ron directly snatched the paper and hungrily took in each word his lover's clean penmanship had written. After re-reading the letter 3 more times just to memorize the curves of the letters and confirm that it _was_ from Hermione, he looked up to Harry. "I miss her," he whispered, confessing something that was already very obvious.

"That much I could tell," Harry replied, sitting down in his bunk bed. "You wanted to swallow the poor letter." He smirked faintly.

Harry's attempt in humor only came out as something emotional. "I'll do anything just to feel closer to her, Harry. If I have to eat an old parchment which she'd written on, I would. Anything to bridge our miles of gap… I won't even shit just to keep her close until we come home."

Harry nodded. He understood what Ron felt. If Draco'd been the one replying to his letters, he'd peel his skin off and hide the letter there just to make sure it wouldn't be torn or lost.

"I miss Mum and Dad, too." Ron whispered after a long pause. "Also Charlie and Ginny…even Percy, for Merlin's sake. I can't wait for this damn war to be over. It took almost 4 years of our lives. I could have been married to Hermione and fathered a child or two. But no, the snake-face _maniac_ just wouldn't stop raving madness!"

"We're going to put a stop to him, Ron, one way or another." Harry firmly stated, imagining what could have happened in the last 4 years if there was no Voldemort. Maybe, like Ron, he would be married to Draco and they would have a son or a daughter they would dote on.

"Hey,"

Harry transferred his eyes from its determined gaze at the far wall to his best friend who was in his own bunk, sitting and once again, looking at the parchment. "Hm?"

"Who could be this someone Draco wanted you to meet that he named James?"

Harry frowned, "What?"

"It's in the letter, haven't you read it?"

"No, I…" Harry actually had the decency to blush. "I did. I got stuck in the 'he misses you so much' part in the fourth paragraph, though."

Ron passed him back the letter, rolling his eyes at his best friend. He was funny sometimes…or just really stupid, "Well it's in the 5th paragraph and the second P.S, you bloody moron."

Harry read the indicated parts and frowned again, "I don't know…" he whispered, finally, having no idea at all. He looked up at Ron and shook his head, "I…"

"Do you think," he pronounced slowly. "Draco somehow bumped into a wayward pygmy puff in the attic in Grimmauld place and took it in as a familiar? And named it James, apparently."

"The only possible creatures he would bump into in the attic are either a ghoul or a boggart, Ron." Harry said, sending Ron the incredulous look for his equally ridiculous notion. "And I don't think Draco would name either, if he _did_ take one as a pet, with the name we planned to give to our firstborn male."

"Oh,"

Harry stared hard at the letter once again, trying to decipher what Hermione meant. Draco wanted to introduce Harry to someone/something he named James. She also pointed out in capital letters that he HAD to come back soon. He didn't know why but Harry knew it was something significant. His heart was beating faster and all he could think of was going back to London, to _Draco_ as soon as possible.

"Well, maybe it _is_ your firstborn male that she was meaning about," Ron whispered suddenly, looking at Harry, his words spoken carefully.

Harry raised his eyes from the letter to his best friend, then looked away "It's impossible…" he muttered more to himself than to Ron.

Ron raised one red eyebrow, "You didn't sleep with Malfoy?" he drawled sarcastically.

Harry's face was beet red. Why was he having this conversation with his best friend? "Well, I… Of course, I did. But…"

"He perfected that potion, didn't he, the one that would make a male pregnancy possible?"

Harry nodded, "You know he did. We had a little celebration for that, despite the worries about the war."

"Yes, we did. So what makes it impossible? He finished the potion, you fucked him; it's the perfect formula to make a baby, Harry." Ron argued logically.

"Yes, _if_ he took the potion, which he didn't. So…" Harry's heart was plummeting even more despite his insistence that no, Draco couldn't have been pregnant and given birth to their child while he was away because he wanted to be there when that happens, Harry _wanted_ to _witness_ it for Godric's sake!

"How could you be sure he didn't?"

"I'm just sure!"

This was, of course, a lie. He _wasn't_ sure. He just didn't want to believe it. Because…if Draco _had_ given birth to their baby, that would mean that he was a rotten father for missing so much. He dreamed of being there when Draco would fall pregnant. He would take care of him, indulge his every whim, give him everything…and when their baby would come, he would be there to hold Draco through it and cut the umbilical cord and be the first person to see his family together.

Harry sighed heavily and slumped down, his face in his hands, the heels rubbing his eyes. He felt more than saw Ron stood up and sat beside him. A weight landed on his shoulder and Ron was patting him consolingly. Harry allowed it even though it didn't help that much, "I'm sorry mate…"

"No, you don't have to be sorry." Harry sat straight again and looked at Ron, determination flaming in his green eyes. "We're going to finish this war and go back home and make sure never to be away from the people we love again. That way, we won't miss _anything_ important in their lives."

Ron nodded, "I know. We will."

Later that night, Harry dreamed of Draco. His beautiful dragon was in their home, their _paradise_, chasing a little kid with hair as black as Harry's and eyes as green as his, too.

TBC

A/N: I am the kind of author who feeds on reviews to produce new chapters, so please please leave a review to let me know what you think about this. You may send me PM's too, for suggestions. Thanks!


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